I had decided to get back to work when M reaches 18 months, It was a tough decision. J is one person who values my decisions, when I had decided I wanted to get back to the corporate life after becoming a mom and still balance work and home, he supported me. Exactly when M was 17 months old, I got through an interview and was offered a job as an Applications Engineer in Singapore. Everything seemed to fall in place, there was a child care just across my office , so I enrolled M there. Such that I could visit him in the afternoons, or could reach the child care in 5 mins if there should be a call from his teachers. Basically wanted to feel that though I was at work, my child was just next door and easily accessible. I worked out with my employer for reduced timings that would help me balance my work and mom-life.
I started working in April 2010, M turned 18 months. He was such an adaptive child, would wake up every morning without a fuss, adorn his uniform and travel with me in two busses, say bye to mummy as he entered his child care. He helped mummy fulfil her dreams as well. He was amazingly adjusting. Everything went according to plan for the first one month.
M looked like this at that time :
On the afternoon 3rd may 2010 , while at work, i received a phone call from his favourite teacher. She told me M was throwing up his lunch, Just as any usual teacher and a mom of a toddler we were talking of indigestion. I left work, picked M up and took a bus and reached home. I took him to closest clinic and the doc prescribed some nauseating syrup, The doc also told me that if his vomitting did not stop by 8.30 pm to take him to KK Women’s and Children’s hospital in Singapore. I remember that day , as if it happened yesterday. J got back from work and took care of M while I prepared samiya for dinner.
By 8.30, M was still throwing up. We decided the best thing to do was take him to KK hospital. As naive , first time parents bringing up a little human without the grandparents or experienced elders help, J and I were confused. We did not know what else to do. We were responsible for this little helpless bundle of joy to be here on earth with us. We just did what the doctors told us.
Took a taxi to KK, while at KK ‘s A&E the doctors could realise, it was not just a normal infection or indigestion. They decided to hospitalise M. My tears knew no end. For the first time I was shattered, I was cursing myself for choosing to work rather than stay at home and take care of my baby, I was presuming it was all my fault. That day J and I stayed at the hospital with M. M was assigned a baby crib, I crippled myself and slept in the crib with him, while J slept on the attenders cot. All that was on our minds were, answers to why our baby was unwell.
At 19 months, M could not speak whole sentences properly, he wasn’t able to communicate where the pain was from. what was wrong with him. It was to us and the doctors to figure, why my baby was crying with pain and why he was lethargic ? He was on IV. I could hear the screeching cries of my baby while the needles pierced through his veins, that scratched and tore the layers of my heart…far from over at that point.
The doctors were soon analysing, they asked us he had a head injury recently, I made a confirmation call to the Child care. The Child cares in Singapore are really professionally, they would mention every single incident that happened during the day with your child when you pick them. Every sip of water he drank , Every Pee and Poo where noted in the diary, I was confident of their care , to enrol him there in the first place. I had told the doctors – No. The doctors still needed a confirmation. The doc had told me to see if M recognises his parents and says something , like he would normally. So they can rule out that it’s nothing to do with the brain. I had to wake up my lethargic baby and try to make him show me some signs that he was normal. My heart was cold with worry.
Just then another baby from the next cot, cried. The sleepy , tired and lethargic M – slowly opened his eyes, looked at me and said – “Mummy, baa baa cying….Mummy baa baa cying…” That moment my heart jumped with joy, I knew nothing was wrong with my child’s brain. No he didn’t have a brain injury.
The next aspect the doc’s were looking for was a severe urinary infection. To rule out this , they needed a urine sample. Baby M would not pee…The next torture came in the form of a urinary tube being inserted through his penis to drain out urine from his bladder. My baby screeched in pain. My eyes had exhausted my tears…there were no more tears to flow. His urine sample confirmed that there was no Urinary infection. Still, worst was far from over. All this happened on the 4th of May 2010.
Just to keep analysing, M was taken for a scan at 12.00 in the night, he was taken for an x-ray past mid night. J and I were like helpless chicken running with baby M from one department to another of the hospital.
Too long a post and too much for my emotions to recollect and re-live it , all at once.
Will get back to it – Though it’s difficult to pen it, I will .
M will read it one day.
to be continued……