My 32nd birthday is round the corner and with my biological clock ticking, it opens up a dilemma with a zillion question marks…To have or Not to have a second child ?
M is going to be 5 this October. M has made me feel special in all ways and has time and again introduced me as a mother to myself. He is an easy child to handle and has always been – He slept through the nights from when he was 4 months old, he adapted to the full day child care routines since he was 18 months, He toilet trained with ease – He never bed wets , He’s fine with eating veggies and spinach. The latest milestone being he waves goodnight and sleeps alone in his room after the bedtime story has been read ! He is an excellent communicator, smart, intelligent.
Having said all of the above – it’s time for me to touch WOOD before i continue (:)) – Thankfully there’s a door behind me so I needn’t move my butt !!!)
Now – Do we need a second child ? Is a question that impends in my mind and J’s !!!
To get a clearer analysis , let me jot down the points that wants me to have a second child and those that don’t – in all practicality !!!
Reasons as to why I think we need a second child :
1. It’s going to make the 3 member family a 4 . It feels complete ! I’m from a 4 member family – I wouldn’t want the ever so affectionate M to be growing up a singleton ! The mother in me wants to have another baby . Am not sure if the harmones trick us that way ! But yaa – when I see a little baby – I’m heads over heels and am tempted to ask the baby’s mom if I can have a cuddle.
When at super markets or in the parks M sees his age group walking beside a stroller that carries their sibling – he questions as to when he is going to have one ?
2. To Share, To Care , To fight , To Tease , To Hate , To Love, To Bond – It’s nice to have a sibling a’int it ? and believe me having a sibling has been one of the best things that has happened in my life.
I set example – I took responsibility – OK ! Sis – I agree 🙂 I OVERTOOK responsibility ! I made her study a course she did’nt wanna do and then I paid for my sins by chalking out her career path 🙂
… the tears (of mine ) that spilt on the eve of her Maths exam – when she didn’t understand what I taught her and I would CRY and CRY wondering how she’s gonna fare in her Maths exam – while she happily slept….
and the scaling while I was asleep (yaa..She hit me with a scale when i was fast asleep – a hard one and when i woke up and cried she called me an alligator )
and the fights and fights…Can you believe we were logger heads even on the day of her wedding !!! We made up after 10 days though 🙂
The ecstasy I felt when my sis had a baby !!! WOW !!!
The things we share and care – parents – their health , waiting for re-unions, talking about our own kid’s , discussing hubbies and cousins and making fun of them …
Re-collecting our childhood !!!
I wouldn’t want M to miss all of this FUN and LOVE and HATE and Sibling rivalry ( I believe it’s nature’s way to train you to fight with the big bad world later in life ) !!!
3. Feeling young and Being kept busy : When M- flies the nest ! J and I wouldn’t sink on the lonely ship – We will have another one at home lingering around – The second one will keep us busy and on our toes.
4. Budapan ka Sahara ( We would rather be glad to be taken care off at an old age home though 🙂 ) During a conversation with one of M’s classmate’s mom in Singapore (she worked in an old age home) she told me that when parents age and need care – it kind’a becomes a little hard on the singleton for care for both parents. Having a sibling would mean delegation and sharing of tasks of caring and it get easier to do this while they scuffle their own family responsibilities and their own little kids !
5. Cousins and Friends – just cannot replace siblings !!! One other friend told me that she was has 2 siblings while her husband has none. Any happy or Sad event she would share and bond with her siblings and her husband always felt the vacuum. Cousins generally put their best foot forward at each other and can’t really replace siblings.
Reasons as to why I think we do not need a second child :
1. Scared of the commitments that come with the second child : J seems happy and content with just M. He has a neck slip disc issue and carrying and handling babies is not for him. He feels he wouldn’t be able to contribute enough to the dual kids parenting and wants to be as relaxed as he can be and enjoy life.
He wouldn’t want to hear ” Baby Sit..naa..I’ll wisk up dinner” kind of statements when he’s back home after a busy day at work.
Moreover, he loves travelling (he has 25 country stamps on his passpost and wants to hit half a century soon). He feels with one child we are more free to do what we want later in life – We could volunteer, travel and have fun rather than trying to settle the second brat !!!
2. Caring for our very own Parents : J is the only Son with 3 sisters for company who are married and taking care of their own families and their little ones.
I and my sis share the responsibility of my parents – we don’t have any brothers (actually we never needed one 😉 )
Caring for our parents lies on J and Me of course, along with our siblings . For he being the only SON and I being the eldest daughter with a No SON household.
While we care for our own parents and their health in the future, handling just M becomes easier for us, than handling 2 kids at that point of time. So – Is there actually a need to have a second child ?
3. Contribution to the Society : I’d mention this in my earlier blog that when I see the downtrodden kids – My heart aches and I’m constantly reminded of my contribution to those innocent souls.
J and I seriously think of adoption sometimes, if not adoption what about community service and making the lives of those kids in the orphanages better than having another of your own and limiting your concentration to your very own family !
The former seems to be a more nobler cause that will give us immense satisfaction while on our death beds. Do we really need to have a second child ?
4. Our Unpredictable and Insecure Careers : With the recession and the job market fluctuating – we hear of friends being laid off. Our move from Singapore to Cambridge was facilitated by J’s company in Singapore on the verge of shut down. A second child – higher studies and maintaining the lifestyle standards in the course of a pitfall ! Would we be able to carry it off ? Do we really need to have a second child ?
5. Discipline and clockwork : Ahem Ahem – while I type this blog – there are utensils lying in the kitchen sink, J has left behind his lunch box as I wasn’t at the door holding his packed lunch on time (i was say abt 2 mins late i suppose he he he ….) while he drove the car out of the garage to work this morning 😦 , M has woken up and is playing games on the gadget and I still haven’t brushed his teeth !!!
I love my sleep and waking up every morning to an alarm is my biggest challenge for the day, Cooking hot meals every morning and delaying the lunch box packing (like today) is my gruesome routine…Over that I need to scrub bathroom, mop kitchen floors, Vacuum, Garden , Laundry – it’s a bit too much for my lazy bum !!! I’m in the process of job search and am wishfully hoping that life gets a little more sane once I join work and M starts school….
With all of this – I’m secretly scared of the nauseous pregnancy that I had with carrying M ! Secret Secretly afraid of the number of sleepless nights I will undergo with the birth of the second child !!! Aaaaahhhh.. Do I really need a Second Child ?
I need your opinions and more opinions – Please tag this blog, spread the word , ask your friends for opinions , ask them to comment on this one – Share your thoughts people – do you think you did the right thing by having your second child or are you happy with your only child – Help me come out of this dreaded deep dilemma !!!
Jai Hind !!! ( Writing this from the country that gave us our very own Independence ;-))