With J and I entering our early thirties, reality strikes in many forms ! The taunting mid-life crisis, economic down turn, future financial planning that comes with it’s own doubts – make the key word “Life” seem a little gloomy. It actually hits hard when age ripens, a noble realization on the struggle our parents went through in getting us onto our very own feet. The daily battle with schedules to acquire the most sort after “roti, kappada, makan and beyond” over-looms. In the process of trying to fight up through the offered challenges and getting life on a constant pace – the simple intricacies in life play their well planned part and Parenting is one of them !
Awaiting for the rain to subside with M and me outside the child care doors – An important learning on parenting skill was destined. An already cranky M had noticed a big red balloon in the hands of his senior, a merry six year old. Assuming all rights over his schoolmate’s precious possession, with gathered confidence he mustered the request to own it. In a quick response M was slapped with a honest decline. Unable to gulp the rejection through his throat, all that was released was a constant bout of wailing.
Standing there helpless , wondering how to drill into the small human – the simple concept of “ownership and it’s rights” , I had two choices. One to get it straight and tell the wailing 4 year old that the balloon was his friend’s and he had the very right to decline it. The other was to distract his little mind with something else that fascinates. Well, If I do not get my child introduced to the simple realities of life then who else will or when else will I do it , if I miss this opportunity that lay so ideal. I chose the former. Just as expected the little human who posed my current challenge bluntly refused to accept the reality of life’s instant. The wailing grew louder and I turned calmer, I decided to let him cry out , with a faint hope that the tears will get him closer to acceptance. Unfortunately for me, the wailing grew louder attracting his class teacher to take a quick peep.
She got to M and tried to accomplish what I had just failed as a mother. What surprised me is the ease and the tactic with which she won my little one’s heart and got him smiling within the next few moments. The words she used on M were effective – She described to M in the most perfect tone with an eye to eye contact and a tender touch, that the senior class were on a field trip today just as M had last month. M was given a balloon on his last field trip and now it was his seniors turn. She acknowledged his emotion by stating that she understands that he feels sad at heart as he did not have what he wanted, but he must exercise ? Exercise ? Exercise …..she repeated …to which my little boy broke apart his lips and said the most unexpected words “Self-Control” ! Yes , he repeated to his teacher that he had to “Exercise SELF CONTROL” …I was inches away from burying myself alive !
She further mentioned to M that she would always want to see him smiling and and a quick smile was thrown across as a bridge on to the dripping tear drops on either sides of his cheeks. M was back to normal again.
Was it the professional training on child psychology or the capability to connect to the child’s heart that I lacked ? Was I so lost in the mighty world’s demands that a simple step of getting my child to understand my thoughts and aligning mine with his, seemed so distant ?
As a child is born – so does the mother !
While he learns being a child – I learn on being a mother !
But ..But , I not just learn on being a mother and strategic parenting skills ! Instead, I believe it’s best to learn the tactics of parenting alongside the methods of DE-Parenting ! My Parenting skills will well come handy until M reaches his teens, after which the need to use DE-Parenting techniques lurk me.
Was watching this video, with M beside me during the weekend, unwinding myself ! It’s a title song of a local drama. The voice has a lot of feel along side the soft melody and the visuals are a treat : Kangalil Piranthu
A young couple dance in romance and embrace midst the falling rain drops – M connected instantly with the young hero and said it was he – I took the opportunity to ask him as to who the girl was – expecting one of his girl classmates name. In re-turn I get an absolute heart touching answer. My little one said that the girl was ME. So, therefore I am the current heroine in his life with he being the hero himself . I’m happy and glad that it is so for now and just now – Mind you ! I will enjoy this status in his heart and mind until he is mature enough and then I shall with grace step down giving the throne to his lady love, when he finds her.
I would wish to DE-Parent at the right time and let my child make his very own choices – right or wrong ! Fall or stand ! I hope to work on giving him a non-guilt mindset that he is indebted with ‘nothing’ to us as parents and needs not give back in return for what we have given him. Worth reading every word :
De-parent and be-friend !
So after all, just “Parenting” is not a full cycle – It’s complete with DE-Parenting !
In the process … I shall equip myself to untie the knots that I tie while learning to “Parent ” and prepare to “DE-Parent” gracefully alongside !