On Parenting and DE-Parenting !

With J and I entering our early thirties, reality strikes in many forms ! The taunting mid-life crisis, economic down turn, future financial planning that comes with it’s own doubts – make the key word “Life” seem a little gloomy. It actually hits hard when age ripens, a noble realization on the struggle our parents went through in getting us onto our very own feet. The daily battle with schedules to acquire the most sort after “roti, kappada, makan and beyond” over-looms. In the process of trying to fight up through the offered challenges and getting life on a constant pace – the simple intricacies in life play their well planned part and Parenting is one of them !

Awaiting for the rain to subside with M and me outside the child care doors – An important learning on parenting skill was destined.  An already cranky M had noticed a big red balloon in the hands of his senior, a merry six year old. Assuming all rights over his schoolmate’s precious possession, with gathered confidence he mustered the request to own it. In a quick response M was slapped with a honest decline. Unable to gulp the  rejection through his throat, all that was released was a constant bout of wailing.

Standing there helpless , wondering how to drill into the small human – the simple concept of “ownership and it’s rights” , I had two choices. One to get it straight and tell the wailing 4 year old that the balloon was his friend’s and he had the very right to decline it. The other was to distract his little mind with something else that fascinates. Well, If I do not get my child introduced to the simple realities of life then who else will or when else will I do it , if I miss this opportunity that lay so ideal. I chose the former. Just as expected the little human who  posed my current challenge bluntly refused to accept the reality of life’s instant. The wailing grew louder and I turned calmer, I decided to let him cry out , with a faint hope that the tears  will get him closer to acceptance. Unfortunately for me, the wailing grew louder attracting his class teacher to take a quick peep.

She got to M and tried to accomplish what I had just failed as a mother. What surprised me is the ease and the tactic with which she won my little one’s heart and got him smiling within the next few moments. The words she used on M were effective – She described to M in the most perfect tone with an eye to eye contact and a tender touch, that the senior class were on a field trip today just as M had last month. M was given a balloon on his last field trip and now it was his seniors turn. She acknowledged his emotion by stating that she understands that he feels sad at heart as he did not have what he wanted, but he must exercise ? Exercise ? Exercise …..she repeated …to which my little boy broke apart his lips and said the most unexpected words “Self-Control” ! Yes , he repeated to his teacher that he had to “Exercise SELF CONTROL” …I was inches away from burying myself alive !

She further mentioned to M that she would always want to see him smiling and and a quick smile was thrown across as a bridge on to the dripping tear drops on either sides of his cheeks. M was back to normal again.

Was it the professional training on child psychology or the capability to connect to the child’s heart that I lacked ? Was I so lost in the mighty world’s demands that a simple step  of getting my child to understand my thoughts and aligning mine with his, seemed so distant ?

As a child is born – so does the mother !

While he learns being a child – I learn on being a mother !

But ..But , I not just learn on being a mother and strategic parenting skills ! Instead, I believe it’s best to learn the tactics of parenting alongside the methods of DE-Parenting ! My Parenting skills will well come handy until M reaches his teens, after which the need to use DE-Parenting techniques lurk me.

Was watching this video, with M beside me during the weekend, unwinding myself ! It’s a title song of a local drama. The voice has a lot of feel along side the soft melody and the visuals are a treat : Kangalil Piranthu 

A young couple dance in romance and embrace midst the falling rain drops – M connected instantly with the young hero and said it was he – I took the opportunity to ask him as to who the girl was – expecting one of his girl classmates name. In re-turn I get an absolute heart touching answer. My little one said that the girl was ME. So, therefore I am the current heroine in his life with he being the hero himself . I’m happy and glad that it is so for now and just now – Mind you ! I will enjoy this status in his heart and mind until he is mature enough and then I shall with grace step down giving the throne to his lady love, when he finds her.

I would wish to DE-Parent at the right time and let my child make his very own choices – right or wrong ! Fall or stand ! I hope to work on giving him a non-guilt mindset that he is indebted with ‘nothing’ to us as parents and needs not give back in return for what we have given him. Worth reading every word :

“My life doesn’t revolve around you”: a note of gratitude for a feminist mom (reprinted) – by Hugo Schwyzer

De-parent and be-friend !

So after all,  just “Parenting” is not a full cycle – It’s complete with DE-Parenting !

In the process … I shall equip myself to untie the knots that I tie while learning to “Parent ” and prepare to “DE-Parent” gracefully alongside !

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This entry was posted in I me myself :), M's Chronicles, S and J. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to On Parenting and DE-Parenting !

  1. D says:

    Good one dear S, just love the way you write about every experience in life .. !!! worth reading….Love you ..

  2. You captured those moments and emotions too well, I really liked this post ,The way his teacher handled the situation was noteworthy.I want to come back and read it tomorrow as I am sleepy now its already midnight here..

    LOL Hero and Heroin, in my home Chucky is Princess and Daddy is Prince. I am the queen or witch depends on her mood. I think you read this post..http://weourlife.wordpress.com/2012/09/05/influence-of-fairytales-in-our-family/

  3. sjscribbles says:

    Glad you like the post LF !

    We’ve a lot to learn from child care teachers LF, They are professionals in child handling and they do it much better than we mothers !

    Ofcourse – I read your post ! Witch and Bad Queen LOL !

  4. MomWithaDot says:

    Its true – teachers are special role models in our kids lives and honestly, I’m thankful for it. There are way too many roles Moms these days play and any sharing is welcome 🙂

  5. sjscribbles says:

    Yes – MomWithaDot , I feel so too – Teachers play a greater role as we juggle with more things on our plates as women. Being a mom becomes a subset of ourselves !
    Taking on tips on how the teachers handle our own liittle ones has proved worthwhile for me…at the least a parenting lesson learnt 🙂
    Glad to see your comment 🙂

  6. shaktii says:

    yeah i too love that song..whenever i hear that song i feel there is some magic in it.. hai na??

  7. sjscribbles says:

    Yes Shaktii ! You are so so right – That song has a magic that captivates the soul…The voice has a feel and Shabir’s music has the melody….I love that song !

    How are you doing ? How is your daughter ? Long time since we communicated…
    It’s raining almost everyday and I think it’s best to keep your little one indoors than in the park, how is she feeling now ?

    • shaktii says:

      yeah we are fine..yes we should keep in touch..after all we are in the same place..the only reason i hate when it rains is i cannot take my kid out and she becomes very cranky if she is indoors for few days together..
      how abt ur son? which class he is in now?? iam planning for full day care for my kid..donno whether she will adapt the food style der..what is ur experience in this??
      bcos we cannot depend on our parents for childcare for long time na..they also need to have some space..

  8. Good teachers are hard to get by these day and reading this shows that M has a good teacher for sure ..

  9. sjscribbles says:

    Agree Bikram – I think most of the teachers in Child Care’s in this country are exceptionally good at handling kids psychologies. They are trained very well and work very systematically thus building a good emotional bond with the little ones. Disciplining is taken care off as well, with ease.

    M is privileged to be in caring hands other than his mom 🙂

  10. Very coherently expressed thoughts on parenting.Cheers for the writer for making the read enjoyable & contemplating. Most of the time we treat our children like they are at our disposal(literally) – either pamper to the core or squeeze to the corner.Never they get equal treatment which only would allow them to relate on the same level btw, u quote tamil song 🙂 good – Karthi

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