I turned 31 – a week ago ! Crying to Dad at this age ! You may think of it as silly and less confident , less independent and emotionally weak…but there are some days when you just loose it ! Yah ! those are the days that I’m talking about – where you feel stuck and just do not know what decision to take or you are wondering whether your thoughts are in the right direction. I’m more of a “harmonizer” type of character – I would want to live in perfect harmony with anyone for that matter – be it in-laws or extended family, which in the real world doesn’t work sometimes. Though I live 3155.25 kms away from them and I see that the relationship is going down the drains over phone calls , it just pulls me down. J’s involved in this triangle with them as well and when things take a bad turn with them – it can easily show on J’s ties with them. Poor guy is sometimes in a fix when it comes to balancing both sides – The only son with loads of expectations daunting on him 😦 It’s complicated on how relationships thrive on possessiveness and the power to dominate , forgetting the basics of affection. I may be at fault and a reason for this cause too – a human I am too. Frequencies may not match. Hearts are hurt and a Hurt is a Hurt and No one can deny that.
Even at this age whenever I feel down – I literally go crying to my dad! It works like magic for me – guess what ! the words he uses to convince me is something I just cannot get to hear from anyone else in the world as a matter of fact not even from J – J knows me for 7-8 years now. I’m not talking of words that professional counselors use or I’m not talking of complex words that are framed to affect one’s mental psychology ! No , just simple words – firstly he acknowledges my feelings – shows me that he understands that I’m hurt. My dad emphasizes on how brave I have been and how I waded through my challenges at school and college. Dad reminds me of my persistence, hard work, will power and the inner strength of overcoming obstacles. Encourages me to be bold and face anything that comes my way with a brave front and not with tears (River Kaveri – can flow down my cheeks at the drop of a pin sometimes ! ) Dad talks about respecting people because they are elderly and you are duty bound – but at the same time helps me draw the line such that my self-respect is contained, which is at times most important – You cannot suppress yourself to the extent that you break ! Setting boundaries becomes so much important in relationships.
The state of mind at the beginning of my phone call with Dad – takes a 180 deg twist while I’m at the end of it. Dad would help me tear open the issue – Analyse it – Scrutinize the problem and will help me derive an amicable solution, doing the same myself in my emotional state of mind becomes weirdly impossible.
I sometimes think that I shouldn’t be taking these issues to my parents. Dad is a retired central govt employee and keeps himself busy with social work and friends. Mom’s a school teacher – who will also soon retire. My younger sis is married – she lives close to my parents home and my parents get to pick my niece from her day care and spend time with her until my darling sis gets back from busy corporate schedule. I do hesitate mentioning about my emotional instability ( a rare attack – I’m generally a happy-go-lucky – cheerful person but when something strikes I can be down as a dove :)) Sometimes I just feel it’s the right thing as I believe that Dad has a solution for every little problem. It’s just a daughter’s perspective !
Voila – The issue resolved fine , last nite ! The Power of Dad’s words !
“A son is a son until he get’s a wife but a daughter is a daughter all her life “